It's late at night and I'm up editing photos, listening to the CD, Lilies of the Field. I've been thinking as I've been editing. So many (teary) emotions have been so close to the surface for me this past week. More so than usual.
I'm a little scared for this next month. I know that I'll want to relive last year. I know I'd go back in time if I could. I'd do it in a heartbeat, just to see Connor again and have everyone that I cherish in the same room with me.
Jump up to today:
Several people have asked if I've broken out the Christmas music yet.
Nope (well, one night I did), but I haven't wanted to listen to it like I have in years past. Somehow I think I'm afraid it will just make me cry and bring on the sadness.
A friend wondered if my kids have missed not hearing the Christmas music or noticed that we haven't been playing it and I told her I didn't think they had. But they will soon, if they haven't already. So I'll have to buck up and bring out the CD's. But it just isn't the same happy, light-hearted, festive season.
I love the meaning of this season and what it means for me and my family in the future...but I'm still tender and trying to protect myself...because, dang it, it hurts to lose my little man.
1 comment:
{{{Jen}}} I've been thinking about you. You and your family will be in our prayers especially this month. I know it has got to be so hard. We love you all!
Post a Comment