Spencer and I have been talking about taking down Connor's room and giving it to one of the girls. We thought about waiting until after his birthday to do it...but then because of schedules, we thought maybe we'd start tonight.
We brought it up with the kids. Hayden didn't understand what we were saying, but the girls did. Their responses surprised us.
As soon as we said it, they both cried out "No." Tears welled up in Sydney's eyes and she just looked down at the counter. Then her tears started streaming down her cheeks (and mine). "Could we leave it up for one more day?" she whispered.
The look in her eyes broke my heart and made me love her all the more...at the same instant. It was so tender to me that she didn't want to take his room down either.
I have come to love that little room of his. Anyone who has seen it knows it's nothing spectacular...in fact it's quite a plain room. But as you can see, it's become a very special place for me/us. If I didn't have other children, I'd probably leave it alone for many, many years.
Last fall my sister suggested it might be difficult to take down a room if we prepared one for him, and she is right. But creating a place that was all "his" for a year has helped pull him into our lives, especially because he isn't living with us right now.
His room has been a good thing for our family. I don't think we'll be making any change for a few days.
5 comments:
Oh what a tender post and a heart-wrenching one too. I am sure you will know when the right time is to change his room. I can imagine that is a very difficult step to make. I hope this next week goes okay, more than okay, for you. I am anxious to hear how you celebrate Connor's 1st birthday.
I found your blog through my sisters www.markandjaymiemaines.blogspot.com and appreciate your kind words to her. No one really close has lost a child and so being a sister it has been really hard to find the right words to say. Thank you isn't enough for sharing your blog with her. She so desperately needs words of encouragement and words from people who understand what she is going through. So...thank you, thank you. I too hope that you one day find the comfort you need from your sweet little baby. I hope that this season is a sweet one for your cute family. Thanks again.
Oh, I wanted to yell NO too and I started crying, just like your girls, when I read your post. I don't know why. Maybe because I have seen what that room means to your family and I want you to have that special place to go. What difficult decisions. But I am sure you will all know when its time. What wonderful, tender love you share as a family. Sendig all our love your way this upcoming week!
Every time you mention his room and the thoughts of taking it down, I wonder if you couldn't leave it? It seems to be a little piece of heaven, a place where each one of you can go when they want to be closer to Connor, and closer to the Lord. A special, sacred place. Right there in your house. Like Kerri said, I think you'll know when and it what ways it needs to be altered.
I wanted to cry too! I have never been in Connor's room but it seems like it would feel like heaven. I think I will cry now.
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