Heavy-duty Reading Ahead...

I'm warning you in advance that this post is a very long one. The first part is my introduction to an article in Newsweek and some of the events which have led up to it.

If you want you can skip my ramblings and go directy to the story by clicking the link below.
www.newsweek.com/id/182572

A related article worth reading about NILMDTS:
www.newsweek.com/id/182665?tid=relatedcl

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep website
www.nilmdts.org

- Jennifer

In July 2005 we were living in Blacksburg, Virginia where Spencer was a few weeks away from defending his dissertation. One day while reading my Professional Photography magazine I came across an article about a new group called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep." These volunteer photographers go into hospitals and make professional photographs of children just before or after they have passed away. The article sucked me in and before I finished reading, I knew deep in my heart that this is what I wanted to do (once I was good enough with my camera). I just knew I had to do it.

Fast forward two years to the fall of 2007. I was reminded of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS) when I saw a young mother on the maternity floor of a local hospital, holding her daughter who had passed away a few hours before. I knew it was time to join, but only after I called the hospital to see if this particular mother had had photos of her daughter taken before she said her goodbyes. Unfortunately, the baby had left the hospital and I never found out if they had photos made of their little one.

After being accepted as a member of NILMDTS, I shadowed my supervisor Julie Williams one night, and I was of no help!! I stood in the corner of a small hospital room at Primary Children's Hospital and watched a young family make the decision to turn off the life-supporting equipment which helped their beautiful daughter live. I had tears streaming down my face as I watched their grief and the love they had for their little girl. And then was touched and amazed that these parents could even smile and joke around a little by the time Julie and I left, with a lot of images of their unforgettable daughter.

About six weeks later I received a phone call to make photos for a family at another hospital and this time, I was on my own (talk about being scared and unsure of my own abilities). A few months later I received another request to make photos of a little boy who too had passed away unexpectedly.

I look back at my life and feel like Heavenly Father was preparing us. This experience with NILMDTS, along with three families we came to know in DC who were all dealing with loses of their own, have helped Spencer and me - as we watched them grieve, cope and move on in their new life. I keep joking with Spencer that had we not had these friends example, "We really would have flopped."

In late October of 2008, after we knew that Connor had Trisomy 18 and would not live long, Julie contacted me. Claudia Kalb, a writer from Newsweek, was wanting to write a story about NILMDTS and a family who was in the middle of an in-utero devastating diagnosis. They told her about us and when she found out that I was a photographer for the group and that we were going to lose our son, she asked if she could interview us and include us in the story.

The irony!! Here we are, such private people, and share our experience with Newsweek? When I spoke with her on the phone I told her that my neighbors weren't even aware of our situation (well, most didn't at the time) and here I was talking to her!! But surprisingly, I felt we should share and when I spoke with Spencer, he did too. So Claudia interviewed me, Spencer and two of the families who we made photos for- and it was a positive experience! Talk about crying over the phone! Newsweek later sent out a writer from the LA bureau, who interview the three mothers, two who had recently lost children and me, who was hoping our son would live but was trying to be realistic that he wouldn't. We gave them so much information and she had the difficult task of squishing it all into a 250 line story (poor girl).

So, the story came out today on the web and will be in print on Monday. We gave them schmoodles of photos to use and they only had room for one or two - and we were thrilled to see Newsweek choose one of our favorites. It focuses on Sydney's joy at seeing her youngest brother for the first time with Elle in the background and Connor in the foreground.


- photo by Miyo Strong - Busath


We felt joy that night Connor was born. Some of the photos taken seconds after his birth (which we'll never share for obvious reasons) show the joy and the intense emotions of seeing him for the first time - and alive!! Oh, I so wish I could relive that time.

I hope that more and more people learn about NILMDTS and other organizations which help people before and after they lose their children. NILMDTS is only one group of people who have helped us. Another day I will write about Angel Watch and Rainbow Kids. These other two groups have to be mentioned because they are the ones who helped us through the maze of this entire process. They are made up of wonderful people who we will be forever grateful for.

Like we've said before- this has been a sweet experience and I'm grateful to have had a part in it - but I still cry and feel such an empty spot in my heart and miss him so much it hurts. But here's a thought that came to me earlier this week (and if anyone had said this to me I would have wanted to kick them in their behind), but the thought was "You have something to look forward to when you die," and I do!! I am so excited to meet my son!! Until then, I hope he knows we love him.