It was four weeks ago today...

that our sweet little boy was born. It's so surreal that this really took place. I look back at our photos to remind myself of what happened and what we felt.


-photo by Miyo Strong - Busath

I keep repeating the phrase "Life is wierd," but what I really mean is "Life is full of curious workmanship" when you try your hardest to do what you feel the Lord is prompting, or asking you to do. Spencer and I have had several of these experiences in the past few years. They are hard to go through, yet sweet at the same time. This is how I look at Connor's life. It's been sweet, yet very difficult.

Saturday was a sad day for me. Some days I just wake up and am very, very sad. I miss my son and wonder about him. I miss feeling him kick and wish I could hold his cute little body. I made the day worse by going to Costco, where I saw lots of cute pregnant women. Seeing them was like pulling a scab off a wound and it hurt to know that these women would be taking their babies home from the hospital, and it just reminded me that I didn't get to.

Sometimes it doesn't bother me to see pregnant women or newborn babies and other times, it's a painful reminder. And it stinks to think I will carry this empty hole in my heart for the rest of my earthly life.

But then I remind myself of Heavenly Father's kindness. He has let me know He knows ME and has done things to make this situation a little easier- and for that I am grateful. But I'm also learning that He doesn't take the pain away and I'm having to learn how to deal with it.

Thanks for all your kind blog comments and emails. Spencer and I feel we have been so blessed with the best of friends and family who continually love and support us.