Our Healing Place...

Awhile ago I wrote in my blog about "My Sad Place."

Now I want to write about "Our Healing Place." It's Connor's room and it has happened unexpectedly and it has been sweet. Before we even knew he had an extra chromosome and would live for only a short time, I had decided that our little baby's room needed to be stark white - with accents of color.





Once we found out that his chances of living long enough to come home were slim, we decided to make him a room anyway. So we started painting and decorating and finding just the perfect things to make it simple, yet beautiful. And I love it! We put a lot of effort into his room, knowing that it would be very difficult to take his room down after he passed away. But I felt like we should - maybe just for me. And decorating it just fell together. A dear friend offered her white crib, my mom and sister came and helped me patch and paint and I enjoyed finding sheets and things to match his teddy bear. It was so therapeutic for me. Before Connor was born I would sit in his room and write in my journal during those wee hours when I couldn't sleep. I would share my hopes with Heavenly Father of being able to bring my little boy home, but acknowledged that this wish might not be granted.

That room has now become our unexpected "Healing Place." A few days ago I heard the sound of someone jumping on a mattress and heard Hayden yelling "Mom, I jumping on Connor's bed." I went in to find him jumping from one side of Connor's crib to the other and back with this huge grin on his face. I was shocked for one thing cause he doesn't even climb in or out of his crib (yet), and here he was climbing in and out of Connor's. Oh, I should have gotten a picture of him. But I was especially touched that he knows Connor's name and knew that crib was meant for him.

Then a few nights ago we found one of our other children sound asleep under his crib, all tucked in for the night. This has now happened several times. They love going in there to read their books, sleep and we've even had Family Home Evening in there. It's a sweet place. It's a place which has instigated conversations about Connor and the girls have shared their feelings about him.

I'm so glad that we made him a room. It was my way of letting him know that we love him, wanted him, and we wanted to bring him home. Someday we will feel ready to take his room down. But for now we're enjoying it and using it as a way of keeping his memory alive.

Just two nights ago I stood in the doorway, looking at the photos of Connor before I went to bed. Spencer came up and stood behind me and was also quiet. One of our children came up and stood next to us and a few moments later said, "I miss him." We were able to share our tender feelings that we miss him too.

We all have "Healing Places." Our family has several - and one of them is right here in our home!