We just returned from taking a Valentine's balloon to Connor's Spot. When we first arrived, the girls both commented on how many "spots" have been filled since we were there last. Connor's Spot isn't so "alone" any more.
One of our children asked "If we were to dig him up, what would he look like?" As a mom I wanted to tell her the truth, yet protect her at the same time. So I gave a gentle, honest answer. Sad eyes then looked at the ground and I reached over and just hugged her. It's hard to think of your little brother in that way.
You may think this is a greusome conversation, but this is what real life is like for us since he passed away. Real life conversations and questions.
But a few mintues later our children were off to play amongst the headstones. "It's weird that we like to play in a cemetary," one of the girls remarked. I never would have even considered doing it before, but now it's an okay thing...no negative stigmas attached.
When it was time to get in the car to come home, Hayden came to the car, dragging a pile of sticks that he'd gathered. "Wook Mom, it's my cowection of sticks." After a lot of haggling, we ended up bringing two home and leaving the other sticks for Connor.
I loved going to the cemetary tonight. Many, many headstones were decorated with red flowers or balloons, which reminded me that a cemetary is one place where you can go to remember that people are loved and missed.
At dusk on Christmas Day we visited Connor's Spot. While I was standing there, I had the strongest feelings. I don't know if he was allowed to hear me or not, but I told my Littlest Clark that I was so glad to know that he was still alive.
And when I said it, I felt it.
2 comments:
I am so glad you and your family got to go visit Connor today. Again, you are always creating special moments together. I love how you do that!
I was here!
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