Touched by a friend...

Last night a neighbor stopped by to drop a gift off for one of our daughters. We stood in the entry way and talked and she did something that touched me...she brought up the subject of Connor. She said to me "I think about you all the time...I remember him...I read your blog all the time...I remember the day he was born." And I knew that she remembered, because she rattled off his birthday. And as we talked, I saw her eyes fill with tears and mine did too. It was so nice to see someone else cry for me and for the loss of our son.

I noticed something yesterday. People were talking about a person we know who has just undergone surgery for a life-threatening condition (whose surgery we hope will be entirely successful and that she will recover). But what I noticed is how so many people spoke openly about her and the situation. As I listened, it occurred to me that these same people did not talk openly about my son. In fact, he was hardly mentioned in public.

Was it because my son was an infant and they had not developed a relationship with him? Or was it because it involved death and no one knew what to say...so they said nothing?

No one likes to talk about those that have died.

I know.

To my friend who came by last night...thank you for bringing up the subject of my son on your own. It was healing for me to see you cry for me and to be allowed to cry.
Thanks for remembering my son and the day he was born.

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Several weeks ago I talked with a different friend who has lost a child and she recounted to me that the previous week had been especially difficult. It was the week of her son's birthday and she knew exactly how old he would have been.

26!

I felt so sad that I didn't know it was his birthday. I so wished I had known, or had been in such a place that I would have been prompted to go see her. I know that others have remembered me/us/Connor and done things that have brought a certain measure of comfort and I wished I could have done that for her.

I'm sorry I didn't know. Or hadn't asked.

Now I know his birthday and I hope I will remember it next year!