Connor's Room

I know I've written about Connor's room several times, but I'm still amazed at what a special place it's become for us.

A few nights ago when I could not fall back asleep, I had the thought to go into his room. I felt like a little kid again, because I layed on his floor, holding his teddy bear and wrapped myself in his blanket...and promptly fell asleep (until my achy hip woke me up).

Then this morning...it was overcast and rainy and dark. I had the thought to turn on the big light which hangs directly over his bed, but I dismissed the thought and moved on to other things. A few minutes later I found Spencer turning on that same light just before he left for work. Spencer just smiled at me and said something that let me know he still remembers, cares, and misses our son.

That was a sweet moment for me.

Connor's Spot at the cemetery hasn't become a place of refuge for us. But I've wondered if it will after we take down his room. We'll see. But for the time being, I am soaking in his room. I love to see the clothes that he wore, the blankets which were lovingly made or purchased for him, the dried flowers, the books, his hand and feet molds, the chimes and all the other things which remind me of him.

I am so glad we made this room. I really wondered if making a room - for a baby who probably would not come home - was a wise thing. But I'm glad I followed my gut feeling and made it.

I love it!