I've tried hard not to think back to where I was a year ago today. But I can't help myself.
Our family drove up for a day at Bear Lake and promptly had a marvelous time...and we got some serious sunburns too.
We rented a jet ski and just played the day away. I remember seeing Spencer laugh and smile and relished in that. I loved watching Hayden spend the day with his "puwple dwgger." I loved to see the girls faces as they squealed with laughter as their dad took them for a wild ride.
I remember taking it easy on the jet ski so that I didn't hurt our baby, who we thought was a boy.
Tonight I'm experiencing a serious wave of sadness.
I try not to imagine what he would look like or what he'd be able to do at this point.
Several months ago I was lamenting to Spencer about what Connor would be doing at that age and he very gently said something that pierced me. "Jen, don't paint a life he wasn't meant to live."
It took me a few seconds to understand what he was trying to say.
Tonight I'm trying not to paint, just remembering the sweet times from last year.
3 comments:
Aren't sweet family memories the best! Bear Lake ... such a beautiful place! I am so glad your family is still able to share sweet experiences with Connor. I love that his room is such a special place in your home. You are all keeping Connor alive in your hearts and I love that.
Jen, I've been away from your blog for awhile and finally got back to it tonight. I've missed it and missed your words. I thought of your family as we drove through Utah from Idaho to the airport this last week. I really, really wanted to call and stop but the hour was very late and we had to be up very early. I think of Connor's room often. I am not sure why. It sounds silly probably but I wanted to feel the beauty of Connor's room. It is obviously such a sweet place. I would think the veil might be thin there.
Spencer's words to you are so beautiful...and your ability to accept and understand them is painful to watch. I love you both. I love you all, six. ~S
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