A sweet F.H.E.

I want to remember Monday night.

We had gathered the kids together, along with N, C, and J (their cousins who were here for Cousin Camp) and settled down to have a quick Family Home Evening together.

Neither Spencer or I had had time during the day to plan a "real" lesson, so we quickly decided to read from the scriptures.  We chose to read from the New Testament where Christ healed people and our impromptu, unplanned F.H.E. turned into something special.

It was one of those nights where our children asked very insightful questions as we read and talked and things we had never considered came to mind as we read and compared scripture stories:

- how Christ asked some people he healed to "tell no one" while he asked others to "go and tell."
-  we compared the faith of the centurion vs his disciples on the boat (when they were afraid it would capsize in the storm)

Back-track to two weeks ago: I had been asked to teach the women in our church about "Healing the Sick," and how Christ can and does heal people.  Needless to say I didn't want to teach that lesson when I first read it, as I was afraid I would stand up in front of people and just cry...cry because my son's little body was not one of those healed in this life.

I held up during the lesson and shared things from other's experiences...one from a story Spencer and I read back in 1996 that made a big impression on us:

After years of trying, this mother and father finally were able to have a son, whom they named Nathan.  When he was born it was discovered that he was born without a jawbone on one side of his face.  She spoke of being heartbroken and feared the ridicule he might have to face from other children as he got older.

She said, "I believed that our Father in Heaven could heal our son.  I prayed, seeking earnestly to know Heavenly Father's will in the matter.  I wanted to know if this was a trial for Nathan's benefit - if it would give him strength, courage, and great character - or if it could be resolved through our faith and prayers.  After several weeks, I felt assured that it was not necessary for Nathan to bear this burden.  My husband and I began a process of showing our faith in God through our actions."

She went on to share how over the next eighteen months a jawbone slowly developed where there had been none.  She said "I know that this type of miracle does not always happen, and that each circumstance is different.  But we know that in this instance, the Lord's hand was manifest and we feel it appropriate to rejoice in the Lord's blessing to us."

 Fourteen years ago we read this story for the first time and it struck us deep in our souls.  When our situation with Connor came to light, we wondered as Nathan's mother did, "Is this something that could be resolved or will our son die like everyone was predicting?"

During this lesson/discussion a few weeks ago I shared what Elder Dallin Oaks shared in a talk titled "Healing the Sick."

To quote him:   "The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ...I felt that trust in a talk my cousin gave at the funeral of a teenage girl who had died of a serious illness.  He spoke these words, which first astonished me and then edified me:  "I know it was the will of the Lord that she die.  She had good medical care.  She was given priesthood blessings.  Her name was on the prayer roll of the temple.  She was the subject of hundreds of prayers for her restoration to health.  And I know that there is enough faith in this family that she would have been healed unless it was the will of the Lord to take her home at this time.  I felt that same trust in the words of the father of another choice girl whose life was taken by cancer in her teen years.  he declared, "Our family's faith in in Jesus Christ and is NOT dependent on outcomes."

I love those last thoughts...Do I believe and have faith in Christ even though I don't get what I want?

As we finished up our Family Home Evening I was reminded of the day we told our children that the little baby we were pregnant with was indeed a boy...and that his body had not formed correctly and he probably would not live long.

Without a beat, our oldest daughter turned to us, with tears in her eyes and asked, almost imploringly, "But if we fast and pray, can't Heavenly Father heal him?"

She has the faith of a centurion.

As I recalled this experience during our F.H.E. lesson, I started crying.  The un-pretty kind of crying.  My nephews and niece just looked at me like I had lost it (which I had) and my two girls came over and snuggled close to me and rubbed my back.  Sweet girls.

When I taught the lesson a few weeks ago I ended with a few thoughts that I had earlier.  When these thoughts came to my mind back in January they spoke peace to me, so I hope they are true.  Somehow they give me hope:  "Sometimes people refer to an event as a "miracle," but only if the person lives.  I'm learning that sometimes the miracles happen as a result of/after a loved one's death.  The "miracle" may come later.  But it does not necessarily mean "physical life."  

But it may result in "eternal life."

Sometimes these "miracles" are a change of heart, as a result of a death, coming to know that God is real and that He cares.

And one of these days, I will make a blog/journal entry about how God has made himself manifest in my life during the three years preceding Eli Connor's birth/death and since then.  No juicy details will be shared, but I can say that He has been kind to me and Spencer.  We have learned that God is real.

And we've learned that impromptu/unprepared Family Home Evenings can be sweet experiences.