Skiing...again

There are times in my life as a mother where my heart feels like it's about to burst with happiness.

I felt that one day in late February when I piled all our ski gear into the car and took our children skiing. Spencer could not go unfortunately and I almost backed out of taking them alone. But in the end, the pleading faces of Elle and Sydney made me realize that I should take them.

So glad I did.

It was such a rush to be on the chair lift with Hayden, pulled in close and tight to me and to then watch Elle and Sydney ski down the run, talking and laughing with each other. Wahoo! See, sometimes they really DO get along. And it's special to see it happening more and more often as they grow up.

But seeing them SO happy and with huge grins on their faces, it made me so proud of them. To see them happy made me happy!

The icing on the cake for me was watching Hayden ski all by himself! To watch this "not so little" 3 1/2 year old ski down the hill and stop himself by making a giant "pizza."...I felt joy again. I was so proud of him. And not only him, the girls have become great little skiiers this year and it's neat to see what they have accomplished.

I felt joy the day Connor was born. After his death I was afraid that I would never feel it again. At that point in time I could not even imagine that it was possible, becuase I felt so much pain.

But I felt joy last Friday and it was sweet!!

I try to hang on to those feelings, as they are fleeting. And during those rough moments as a mother...as I listen to fussing and crying and complaining from my children...I try to remember the sweet times, such as the one we had skiing last week.

The sad part about that day was that I knew I could not handle Hayden, a gigantic hoola hoop and my huge camera bag all my myself. So I left the camera in the car. Ohhhh...I was dying to have it in my hands as I watched my children ski! I wanted so badly to capture their smiling faces and Hayden's first attempt at skiing alone.

But I did get pictures of them afterwards...with the hot chocolate spilled down the front of their clothes and all over their faces. I won't Photoshop it out, as it's all part of the experience!



ps- I didn't feel joy once I learned my sunglasses had been left behind at the resort and have not been seen since. UGH.